i was hanging with old buddies from highschool the other day, and as usual, we talked about plans and life in general.

we are all in a phase where we're torn between acting like an adult and being a kid. it was all so overwhelming. it seemed like only yesterday that we were running around campus playing agawan base and now, in a span of one year, most of us are going to graduate, get a job, maybe go abroad. responsibilities are getting bigger and heavier. priorities are being reshuffled, POVs are changed. but, as my best bud arbyn remarked, one thing remains constant: i still havent found THE ONE. (i will make another entry on changes.. )

yup. ive never had a boyfriend. and i dont think ill be having one any time soon. i remember my boybuds betting their lives that i wont find the man of my dreams. i HAD a very high standard back then. mala-pari according to ganch, maybe even surpassing that level. i wanted someone better than perfect. someone everybody would love. i was that stupid in highschool.

i remember rejecting boys the moment they asked if they could court me. i didnt want people wasting their time on me, knowing that they wont get anything from me. its not that i didnt like them. its just that i didnt want to hurt them, because i thought they wouldnt reach the standard i set. the man i was looking for was above all of them, and i knew i wouldnt find him in my school. people from school, i thought, were kids. very stupid.

then i got myself into a serious boy-trouble that ended with me hating every basketball jersey-wearing humans. i became a man-hater, just as i entered college. perfect timing, since my mom used to tell me that people usually meet their lifetime partners in college. great.

i thought everybody in my college were jerks. ok, so i met a few good men, but the damage done to me of that experience was irreversible. nobody will ever be good enough. all the boys i met had "cheaters" written all over their faces. when a guy makes even the slightest move, i jump and ran away. i "hybernated", retrieved myself from all social occasions involving the opposite sex. i had friends, but that was it. no more. or i bite.

and then in junior year, i met him. he wasnt very special. i didnt even notice him at first. he was the new guy- that was the extent of his existence in my life, i couldnt even consider him a friend. an acquiantance maybe.

a lot of my blockmates really went all over him. he was nice. and polite. and kind of funny. but he wasnt my type. he didnt even reach half of the standard i once set for my dream guy.had i met him in highschool, i would've been the fist to make fun of him.

and then, i dont know what happened exactly, but i just found myself looking his way more frequently. i wanted to get near him, talk to him, if the opportunity permits. i wanted him to notice me. i could say he did notice me. for a time, i guess.

but heres the catch: once i realize i like somebody, i choke. and i did just that. i choked, and then avoided him. i was pathetic. im such a loser.

but, due to unavoidable circumstances (which were in favor of yours truly), during the last month of that school year, we've gotten pretty close. not close "close", but enough to stop avoiding him, though i still choke.

to cut the story short, he reinforced my generalization about men. we didnt end up together, as a matter of fact i doubt it that he feels the same way i do. but what he did, how he treated me - so unlike the previous guys i met - his funny, unassuming, friendly manner, it made a huge impact on me. that there are still worthy men out there just waiting for nice girls like me (i hope).

most of all, he made me realize - even if he was unaware of it - how stupid it was to set standards. that the perfect guy i was looking for exist only in my dreams, in the realms of my imagination. and even if he does exist in reality, who knows we'd get along? im not perfect myself, how would i expect somebody pefect to like me?

he made me wake up to the reality that, sometimes, people fall for the person they least expected, at the most unexpected situation. i once told a friend i wont be falling for another guy ever. i guess i spoke too soon.

this story does not have a fairytale ending. i didnt get the prince. (he wasnt charming enough :P kidding) he just didnt feel the same. and i think i may have even made a fool of myself once or twice. it wasnt all happy happy joy joy. but i am, however, thankful that i met this guy. if it wasnt for him, id still be the bitter, man hater feminist. id still be ranting and writing about how men are fucking jerks and all the crap i used to do. and i guess the male population should thank him as well, because another nice girl's up in the market. :P